Top Ten Books of the Year

Mine, Brian Lindenmuth's and Keith Rawson's Top Tens are up at bookspot.

Currently, my list is in the wrong order. I meant for Slammer to be number one (if they need to be numbered at all, that is) and Bury Me Deep at number ten.

But whatever. They all kick ass. Check that shit out.

The Long Division by Derek Nikitas

My review of The Long Division by Derek Nikitas is up a bookspot.

Check it out, dear reader.

I mean, it's not like I'm asking you to take a quiz on my personality or some boring shit like that...or am I?

Find out HERE.

The Longshot by Katie Kitamura

My review of The Longshot by Katie Kitamura is up at bookspot.

Glance all sideways-like at that shit right HERE.

I play Santa Claus to the children of the world in this motherfucker so you best check it out.

That's right, the Nerd is warming heart cockles and shit this Christmas, whatever the fuck those are supposed to be.

Vampire A Go-Go and The Deputy by Victor Gischler

I reviewed Victor Gischler's Vampire A Go-Go and his forthcoming The Deputy for bookspot.

To give that shit a looky-fucking-loo, click right here.

Yes, I just tried to make the term looky-loo seem badass.

Excuse me while I go hang myself.

Slammer by Allan Guthrie

My review of Slammer by Allan Guthrie is up and blowing some minds.

Well, probably not.

It'd be more mind-blowing if I didn't cream my pants over a Guthrie novel.

Give it a look-see right HERE.

Catching Up #48: The Big O by Declan Burke

If you’re an Elmore Leonard or John McFetridge fan (which, let’s face it, if you’re not, what the hell are you doing here?), the Nerd has some shit to toss on the top of your TBR pile. Declan Burke’s The Big O is twisty, hilarious, sharp, dialogue-heavy, and a fucking breeze to read. The Nerd isn’t normally one to dip into romance novel review clichés, but there’s no getting around the fact that The Big O has a very real charm that is no-bullshit irresistible.

In the novel we follow a group of characters whose lives intersect in hilarious, highly improbable ways. There is disbarred plastic surgeon Frank, a desperate fellow going through a nasty divorce. With his shady lawyer, Frank works out that if he hires someone to kidnap his wife, he could collect half a million in insurance, then fake paying it off as long as he paid the kidnappers. Meanwhile, his secretary Karen (who is a part-time armed robber), unwittingly strikes up a romance with the kidnapper in question, a cool cat named Ray. Then Karen’s ex-boyfriend Rossi is released from prison, his aims being to get his Ducati, gun, dog, and sixty grand back from Karen.

And if you’ve lost your way already, dear reader, no fucking worries. There’re a billion twists and turns in The Big O but Burke keeps shit nothing less than fucking crystal, no doubt. Thing is, there’s a billion and a half coincidences in this beast, so much so that it’s like Burke is fucking daring you to call bullshit on him. It’s never overtly stated, but there’s clearly some sort of hilarious fate or destiny shit going on here, but it’s handled so straight and nonchalantly that you’ll forgive him at every gleefully implausible encounter and connection.

And even if the wild-ass plot bugs you, there’s no getting around how beautifully drawn the characters are or how absolutely hilarious the dialogue is. I don’t toss around Elmore Leonard references lightly, and this shit would make the Master proud. By the way, quick question, is “the painters are in” as a euphemism for “on your period” a common phrase in Ireland or is that just something within this world Burke has created? It’s my favorite euphemism since I read about “using the tradesman’s entrance” in Crooked Little Vein (which, for those whose minds aren’t consistently in the gutter, means to have anal sex).

One thing you should be aware of, my fellow noir addicts, is that this isn’t some big-body-count-ultra-violence extravaganza. There’s lots of crime shit and a crazy plot, but it’s not intense thrill ride you might expect from that plot description. That said, you’ll be carried along just fine by said dialogue and complex story regardless. Like I said, we’re in Elmore Leonard territory, and you never had trouble finishing his shit in a flash despite his lackadaisical style, did you? You did? You fucking lie. Well, unless you’re talking about Maximum Bob. Jesus, that one was a bit of a slog.

So get on board with this Declan Burke fella. He’s got some fucking chops, no doubt about it. I mean, what the fuck do I have to do to make you pick up this fucking book? Mention Elmore Leonard again? Cause I’ll do it, don’t you make me bust out that necessary cliché yet again, you bastard!

Flight to Darkness by Gil Brewer

My review of Flight to Darkness by Gil Brewer is up at BSC.

Feast your eyes on that shit right here.

Hard Case Crime reissued his The Vengeful Virgin a while back and now New Pulp Press is pumping out this bad boy.

In other words, it's high-fucking-time you got to know Gil Brewer, dear reader.

My Top Five of 2009 - Nothin' but Noir Edition

I wrote up a top five of the best non-print crime shit of 2009 for the good folks over at Crimespree Cinema.

If you're looking for shit to watch that is badass and just plain bad for the soul, I'd advise you to check that shit out right HERE.

If you find a better top five out there this year, either you're an idiot or the writer is dead-fucking-wrong.

Tom Piccirilli's Shadow Season

My review of Shadow Season is up at bookspot.

It's by Tom Piccirilli, a rising star in the crime fiction world if ever there was one.

So yeah, you'd be well-fucking-advised to check that shit out.